Ready to go, brothers and sisters! Parents, please join your children to welcome another baby.

Having a new member always brings joy to every family. However, it can bring certain disturbances to the older child. The child may feel neglected because the love of the parents is shared. In fact, there are many situations where the child is jealous and hates the baby when witnessing the parents taking care of the baby. The child even shows dissatisfaction with the appearance of the baby, hits the baby, covers the baby’s face with a pillow to suffocate the baby… Therefore, instead of being a joy, having a baby becomes a shock, sometimes even a negative memory that is difficult to fade in the child’s mind. If negative feelings accumulate every day and increase gradually, it can lead to changes in the child’s personality and behavior in the future. Therefore, preparing the child mentally, so that the child is ready to become an older sibling, is extremely important.

Prepare with your baby for his or her arrival.

Talk to your child about the baby

Parents should inform their children about the appearance of a new sibling in the womb. Reading books is also a simple but effective way to help children get used to the fact that the family will have a new member. Parents can choose books about sibling relationships, the formation and growth of babies… to help children visualize the close relationship between members and reduce feelings of jealousy when having a sibling. Parents can show their children ultrasound images of the baby or take them with them to every prenatal check-up so that the child can see the presence of the sibling, encouraging them to talk to the sibling even before the sibling is born.

Acknowledge your child’s feelings

Not all children easily accept having a sibling. If your child says “I don’t like having a sibling” or “I hate my sibling”, parents should not rush to deny those feelings. Instead of saying “the baby is cute, you have to love him!”, gently acknowledge your child’s feelings: “You don’t like him because he cries a lot, right?”, “You don’t like him because he doesn’t know how to play with you, right?”… That way, parents will find out why their child doesn’t like the presence of the sibling and find a way to talk to him more effectively, gradually helping him accept being an older sibling.

Get your child involved in preparing baby supplies.

Parents should encourage their children to participate in the preparation process for the birth of their baby. From decorating the room, buying supplies, toys, etc., parents can consult and listen to their children’s opinions. This helps children feel their place in the family, as well as strengthen the emotional bond between family members.

Don’t say bad things about the baby’s arrival.

Adults often make the mistake of joking with such things as “You’re going to have a sibling, so you’ll be left out!”, “If you have a sibling, you have to give in to your sibling, okay?”, “If you have a sibling, you can’t sleep with mom anymore!”… These words unintentionally touch the child’s negative emotions, making the child hate the sibling even more. The child will feel that the presence of the sibling makes him or her disadvantaged, making him or her lose the love of his or her parents. Therefore, parents should be the ones to talk frankly with everyone in the family about how to communicate to avoid hurting the child.

Give children the opportunity to practice being older siblings.

We cannot just say “you are going to have a sibling, love your sibling” but do not let your child imagine what it will be like to become an older sibling. Parents should let their children get used to their role as an older sibling by letting them interact and play a lot with the baby. Parents can let their children play with younger siblings in the same living area or in the classroom. In particular, in a mixed-age Montessori classroom environment, children experience the role of younger siblings in the most authentic way. Children learn how to care for and look after younger siblings in the classroom. At the same time, they are also aware of their position and responsibility when they become older siblings. Parents can also talk and encourage children to share about their achievements when helping and taking care of younger siblings in class. Children will feel useful, grown up and more proud of themselves. This also helps to make the psychological preparation for having a sibling easier and smoother.

Set up quality time with your child

Before the baby is born, parents should try to spend more quality time with their children. Quality here does not mean a lot, but it is the time when parents are not distracted by anything else and focus on playing with their children, so that the children can feel the love that their parents always have for them and it is also an opportunity for family members to understand each other better. Parents can also divide the time to play with their children and prioritize so that this time is less affected or disrupted when the baby is born. For example, mothers can choose to spend all their time with their children from 20:30 ~ 21:30 every day because when there is another baby, this time can be a reasonable time when the baby is asleep and mothers can completely devote themselves to the older child.

Create a positive environment after your baby is born

Teach your child how to play with his or her sibling.

Even though you have become an older sibling, you are still just a child. Sometimes, even though you love your sibling, you don’t know how to play with them. You can play with your sibling by doing dangerous things like throwing a towel on their face, pulling their arms and legs… At this time, many parents will panic, scold their children and unintentionally make them feel hurt, and feel that their parents don’t love them anymore. Therefore, parents should calmly guide their children on how to play with their sibling safely and properly.

Acknowledge and encourage your child when he or she shows affection for your sibling.

Parents should try to observe and recognize the gestures and actions that show affection every time their children show their younger sibling, even the smallest ones. Recognition is always an effective way to encourage good behaviors from children such as: “Oh! I know how to love my younger sibling, all I can do is talk to him!” or “I love you so much that I can draw such a cute baby!”….

Encourage your child to participate in caring for his or her sibling.

Parents can let their children help and participate in taking care of their younger sibling, doing small tasks for them such as getting diapers, milk, clothes, and even trying to bottle feed them…. When they participate in taking care of their younger sibling, children will feel more mature and truly become older siblings.

Parents don’t change when the family has more members.

When there are more members, the daily schedule will certainly change accordingly. However, try to prioritize and arrange a fixed schedule for your child so that your child feels that your love for him is still the same as before, and he does not feel disappointed or sad. Besides, there are habits that should always be maintained whether before or after having a baby, such as saying “mom and dad love you” every day, kissing your child goodnight or reading a book with your child…

Resolve conflicts fairly

Trên thực tế, khi nghe thấy tiếng em khóc, ngay lập tức người lớn thường hoảng hốt và truy hỏi trẻ lớn: “Con làm gì em đấy!”, “Làm sao mà em lại khóc thế, con lại trêu em đúng không?”. Chúng ta hay bị chi phối bởi tư tưởng em khóc chắc chắn là do anh chị lớn gây ra. Chính suy nghĩ mặc định này đã khiến ra tăng khoảng cách giữa ba mẹ và con cái, làm trẻ cảm thấy ba mẹ chỉ bênh vực và bảo vệ em, còn mình thì bị bỏ rơi. Vì vậy, cách xử lý đúng cho tình huống này là ba mẹ nên bình tĩnh, hỏi rõ nguyên nhân, chứ đừng vội quy chụp tội lỗi cho con. Nhiều khi em bé khóc hoàn toàn không phải lỗi của anh chị. Khi ba mẹ tìm hiểu rõ nội tình và lắng nghe con chia sẻ, sẽ giúp tìm ra cách giải quyết mâu thuẫn một cách công bằng.

Don’t use the baby as an excuse.

When the family has more members, parents are also much busier. The baby naturally becomes the reason for many situations such as “Can’t you see I’m breastfeeding my baby, how can I read to you?”, “My baby is crying, go play by yourself, you’re grown up!”, “Mom is so tired of the baby, so can you eat by yourself?”… All these actions and words can make the child completely collapse. Sometimes, the child becomes even more whining to draw the parents’ attention to themselves, and at the same time feels like the baby is an enemy – annoying, taking up all the time that parents spend on them. Therefore, we should not use the baby as an excuse to refuse to care for and help the older child. You can tell your child, “Wait for me for 10 minutes! After I change the diaper for the baby, we will read books together!”… Parents can also ask the child to participate in the process of playing and taking care of the baby so that the child does not feel like he or she is left alone for too long.

When deciding to have another baby, we adults ourselves need to be prepared in many ways. And parents also need to help children prepare for this important change. Children are very sensitive and intelligent. Children can absorb, visualize, link and sequence events. Therefore, if you are patient, seriously explain and accompany them, they will certainly understand and accept that they will become an older sibling. When children are mentally prepared and ready to accept, they will feel happy and joyful when they are about to have a sibling.